Lead Me Where

There is a little note on the wall next to my pillow.

A pink slip of paper with four words on it.

Jesus

Relationships

Homework

Blog

in that order.

I knew before classes even started

that I’d eventually need a little help

keeping my priorities straight.

I’d eventually need a little reminder.

But three weeks passed

and I like to think I did a pretty good job

keeping everything in line.

I glanced at the paper, my little sign,

in the morning, throwing my blue comforter back on the bed

and again at night, snuggling down into the soft sheets,

and I mentally checked it off-

proper priorities: accomplished.

But there’ll be no mental check mark tonight.

This should be a really productive day,

I predicted rather rashly to The Roommate.

God probably chuckled. Or maybe He just shook His head.

Because when I said productive, I meant

getting a lot of homework done.

I meant more pink highlighted lines in my planner;

things already accomplished, tasks already achieved.

But productive’s not always a checklist

and relationships still rank higher than homework.

But still I plod on.

Class out at 5:25 and I’m scurrying to dinner; I’m hungry and

I’ve been thinking about dinner since I cleared my lunch dishes

five hours before.

Dinner halfway done and relationships,

the real, flexible, messy, involved part of life

that can never be checked off or truly completed,

start to move and become alive.

Dinner conversations mesh into chatting in the room.

Errands are communal and there’s a stop to chat, too.

Last minute plans and an hour sitting in the Plaza,

community rich with encouragement and joy

and not something I’ll ever be able to highlight as “done”.

Homework in a room- I can’t, I just need to buckle down and focus and get this done.

All alone for a second, speed reading’s basically reading, right?

Knock on the door, and it’s not even my room.

Emergency prayer meeting for a special concern, and my textbooks are tucked behind the couch.

Every time I pick up the book, open the Blackboard page,

scant minutes pass before someone comes, someone knocks, someone speaks.

Because homework follows a schedule: read this, do that, mark that off,

but relationships don’t.

There is not timetable for hearts that hurt

laughs to be shared

or moments to sit and talk together.

There’s no timetable for this and it’s not a box to check off.

Maybe you’re being productive in a non-academic way? The father suggests.

Productive or not, this is real. This is life.

I plan, I strive, I study,

and God shakes His head. Shakes His head at my small view of the world

of His children, my friends and floormates,

small view of His plan.

There’s a time to study. I’m here at school to study for His glory.

But there’s also a time to put down the book

close the computer tab

and be in relationship.

Because that’s what’s real. And that’s what comes first.

~Natalia