Spicy Ramen

11 Feb 2013 Leave a Comment

by nataliaria in Casa Hogar, Food, Friends, God, Mexico, Remember, Thanksgiving

I bought Ramen tonight,

which is odd because there’s not much appealing about Ramen,

except maybe the price.

But I wanted it, so 97 cents bought me three packs of Just Add Water Ramen.

I microwaved one bowl and took two bites,

but something was missing;

something quite important was missing from my late dinner.

Because it’s two years ago now, Manuel and Tere slept at the orphanage,

and Karen, Manuelito, Ana, little Beki and I?

We stayed home.

The cousins came over and we locked the door tight, like Hermana Tere said,

and we pulled kitchen chairs around to the TV,

and we watched Inception until 3am,

and we ate Ramen.

It’s the same pack, the same styrofoam bowl and Fill to Here water line,

but this is Mexico and we value our flavor,

savor our spice.

And we sat around the TV slurping soggy noodles, red Salsa Valentina swirling together

with packet-flavored chicken broth.

That Ramen was spicy.

And tonight I sat at my desk and picked at noodles that lacked spice,

really lacked spice.

The Roommate was going downstairs, and I followed her there,

still picking my noodles because

I’m hungry.

And down the hall, through the Tunnel, people are eating here,

people are ordering here in the Commons,

and I smelled every single hot sauce they had,

and I ended up dumping Chipotle Tabasco sauce all over my noodles,

which were quickly getting cold.

And that fixed the problem, and I slurped them right down,

and it felt so familiar because my mouth burned and my nose ran,

and it was just like that late night in Mexico.

And a preached this week said God has a purpose in everything,

but sometimes it’s hard to imagine,

hard to comprehend,

that He puts meaning, that He has deep purpose,

in a night spent eating spicy Ramen and watching Inception,

while the dogs across the street barked

and someone, somewhere, set off a firework.

But every time I get close to wondering,

I realize that it’s not my job to question His decisions,

His grace, His gifts.

So I ate my chipotle Ramen, and I thought about Mexico,

and I thanked Him for time

relationships,

lessons,

gifts,

that He’s given me.

~Natalia

Start with Thankful

02 Feb 2013 Leave a Comment

by nataliaria in God, Thanksgiving

I debated writing tonight, because I envisioned myself writing and the things that I envisioned myself talking about were mostly inconsequential me things.

So I thought about not writing.

But I realized that not writing anything might actually exacerbate the issue, because I’d come back next time, probably tomorrow, and still not know what to write.

So I backtracked to where I was, what I said, just a few short days ago, and I can always give thanks.

There’s a line on the bottom of my planner, just under the last day of the week, for writing what I’m thankful for that week. But I always forget because by the time I’ve accomplished everything for one week, I’ve vaulted ahead to next week, completely forgetting to stop and be thankful for now.

So I did write tonight.

But more than writing, I’m thinking. And I hope you are, too.

Because there’s a lot to be thankful for tonight.

Starting with the God of the Bible, the same God that holds all the world in His hands today.

~Natalia

Cousins Tonight

27 Nov 2012 2 Comments

by nataliaria in Family, Food, Photos, Thanksgiving


photo by Grandma.

Not because I’m tired, although I was face down, eyes closed, on The Roommate’s bed when she returned to the room earlier this evening.

Not because I’m stressed, although it is admittedly a jumbled twist of a line between excited and stressed and generally content about life.

Not because I’ve too much to do, although that might actually be the case.

But tonight, because I had such a very wonderful time with my cousins over the weekend, and because I’m so thankful that they are in my life and for the years of jokes and family history that have tied us together.

So, for you, here’s a picture of cousins whom I love dearly, practicing a little teamwork and assembly line action to clean a post-Thanksgiving-dinner kitchen.

~Natalia

Caterpillar

25 Nov 2012 1 Comment

by nataliaria in Family, Games, Happiness, Thanksgiving, Travel

I’ve been writing a blog post for almost an hour now. Not actively; I just started typing seconds ago. But I pulled my computer onto my lap forever ago, clicking open Google Chrome, watching the mouse slide across the screen as if of its own accord. I should have written an hour ago, but I didn’t and I’m here now and really, how much difference does an hour make?

I returned to school this evening after a wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving break with my family in Michigan. There’s a long and lengthening list of things that we do every Thanksgiving weekend, every time we celebrate together, and there’s a settled comfort between flying from event to event, outing to outing, and enjoying the soft, enjoying the quiet, in our time together.

And I’m here again for the first time in days and my insides are turning a little, and I’m beginning to feel just a little unsettled, and I think I just figured out why. Because maybe tradition isn’t code for easy, and wonderful doesn’t translate to simple. And I’m starting to think that what I need right now is just a little time to process.

Because the air mattress makes a sound every time I blink, and I’ll eventually fall asleep with my phone under me, but flip flip squeak over and stay awake for a while. Cousins are two years apart and this time, this night-time to talk and laugh and be is what we treasure.

Because maybe it wasn’t to our advantage to divide teams generationally; there’s wisdom with age, and there’s accumulated knowledge as well, and if we get one more question about 1930s movie stars, we’re going down. But Catchphrase is catch-all and even the littles pipe up on this one, and slip of the tongue- no, that’s what I meant, we’re all sitting in this room, and the game’s beeping out of time, but nobody cares because we’re all laughing too hard.

Because there’ve been more than family members around here, now, and friends make their way through our weekend, too. And it’s gift giving time and friend sits behind because this is family Christmas, after all. But there’s a gift bag with her name, too, and tears sometimes come when our name’s not what we were expecting, and deep happiness runs under it all.

And back at school The Neighbor’s laughing and these walls are thin. And Jen taps on the door and Mary knows me well. Liv and I talk profs we love and I hear a greeting down the hall and someone vacuumed and Nelle says like coming home.

I don’t have head space for thoughts that need sorting, or heart space for emotions conflicting strong. But Skype ding and What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly. And my heart grabs tight onto something there, but I can’t figure out if it’s supposed to apply to my school work or my heart, or my future.

But then again, I guess that’s what makes me the caterpillar.

~Natalia

Life Right Now {#33}

21 Nov 2012 Leave a Comment

by nataliaria in College, Family, God, Life Right Now, Parental, Photos, Thanksgiving, Train, Travel

20121122-003904.jpg

Tuesday afternoon, yesterday, class ends at 4:45pm- out 45 minutes early. It’s two days before Thanksgiving and professor’s ready to celebrate, too.

Doesn’t take long to pack a suitcase; I’ve no reason to dawdle, and I’m so very excited for the break. The Roommate’s not around and her text says four minutes.
“Nope, I’m leaving.” She knows I’m joking. Of course I waited to say goodbye.

Train’s packed and my bag’s big, but the crowd slowly thins as the train moves north, and soon, I’ve got a seat.
Off a stop early and a coffee for the Mother. Green-aproned fellow raises his eyebrows: Is this for someone else?
This is a city and thousands of people, but they know her around here; they know us around here.

Walking in is the best because it’s quiet tonight and Mom and Dad on the couch, surprise is happy. I didn’t happen to mention that I was coming home on Tuesday instead, and I’ve beat my expected arrival time by more than a day.

And Thanksgiving break is off and running and Tuesday doesn’t end until 2:30am- mother trained daughter and we’re up late late.

And Thursday morning’s tomorrow, see us packing up the car, packing up the bags, Michigan six hours up. Yearly tradition since before I can remember, and four cousins born in three years are older now and the iMessage thread we share is laughing, laughing.

And under it all, around it all, God provides breath each second, and a physical heart beats continual and He’s growing my spirit more like His. And Thanksgiving’s so very fitting today and everyday, really.

~Natalia

Last Night

14 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by nataliaria in God, Thanksgiving

I’m tucked into the back corner of the bottom bunk.

There’s a thick comforter under me, swathed in a hot pink, polka-dot comforter cover.

And two pillow pets and three little blankets and a couple other stuffed animals.

And two little sisters, sleeping soundly on their polka dot pillows.

All tucked snuggly into this great, big bottom bunk.

There’s more breathing in the house right now, too; dear friends calling our home theirs for the weekend.

But I’m not social right now.

I’m hiding, tucked away in the corner of the huge bed, talking with God.

Worship music plays softly on my headphones.

And I’m writing in my prayer journal by the light of the flashlight app on my phone.

God already knows what I’m saying.

But I want Him to hear from me. I long to hear His voice, to know what He says, what He would have me do.

So I write.

In school or out of school, life marches on, my heart scampering wildly to keep abreast of all that is happening.

I don’t have classes or papers or school to worry about, but life is still so often a maze of decisions and thoughts and worries and choices, and I end up turned around and doubting my own judgement.

I need Him. Need to hear from Him. Need to know what I’m supposed to do.

But I’ve written a page, line after line of short, small letters.

And I’m talking to Him and uneasiness is growing in my heart, because He knows just where I’m at, but He’s not responding as I would have Him respond.

There’s no clear-cut answer.

I want you to be the foundation and fountain for everything I do this summer, LORD.

I wait silently for a moment.

But I don’t know how to make you that, how to keep you in the middle of my life.

I sit in the cozy pile of blankets and strain to hear what He is saying to me, but all that reaches my ears is the deep breathing of a handful of sleepy people and the muffled voices of those still up in the front.

I wait a little longer, then, heart gradually growing heavier, begin to wrap up my prayer.

Thank you for being who are You are; unchanging even through my wiffle-waffle humanity.

Thank you, I love you, and almost Amen, but instead, I’m suddenly possessed with the urge to read the Psalms.

Psalms, LORD? Okay, I can do that. Thank you, LORD.

And I am truly thankful. Because He doesn’t have to interact with us. Doesn’t have to stoop to our fallen level and break into our lives and hearts.

But He does.

And I’m thankful for the hope of hearing from Him, and the hope of reading His Word.

I’m so desperately thankful for that.

~Natalia

I’m So Grateful

09 Dec 2011 2 Comments

by nataliaria in God, Mexico, Thanksgiving

It behooves me to tell you that one week from today
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I’ll be in Mexico.

God is faithful, loving, and wise when I’m in the States.

And He’s faithful, loving, and wise while I’m in Mexico.

No matter if I’m there for eight months, or three weeks.

And I’m so grateful.

~Natalia

Not the Only One

28 Nov 2011 1 Comment

by nataliaria in College, Family, Food, God, Happiness, Health, Realizations, Thanksgiving

This morning people kept asking me how my break was.

I told them different things; good, great, really fun.

And those are all true, but they’re not the whole truth.

Because really, my break was more than that.

It was so good that by comparison, coming back to school is pretty lame.

Really lame.

Add my current less-than-stellar opinion of school to the fact that I am one of six who came away from our family reunion with a stomach bug, and I was not loving life.

But then, as I sat in class earlier today, my stomach angrily making itself known, I realized that I’m not the only one.

There are other students who are less than thrilled to be back on campus.

There are other students whose bodies struggle with much more than stomach pain.

And, let’s be honest, the majority of the student population is stressed out.

It’s almost December, finals are approaching, life refuses to fly by at anything less than break-neck speed, and it’s rather stressful.

Yes, I secretly wish that I was still with the cousins in Michigan. Yes, I’m subsisting on water, toast, and SDR fruit today. Yes, I can list handfuls of things that stress me out a bit.

But that’s not an excuse to be grumpy, to moan and whine about my issues, or to sink into a black puddle of self-pity.

Because I’m not the only one, and I’m doing life alongside the students around me. We’re all people full of problems and illnesses and struggles. We all have good days and days that leave us reeling. But God cares for each of us individually and all of us as a group, and there is nothing we can do to escape His love.

So that’s encouraging.

~Natalia

Today, Tomorrow, Later

23 Nov 2011 4 Comments

by nataliaria in Family, Thanksgiving

I’m at home this evening.
Sitting on our big, brown leather couches.
Tidying my room.
Taking the littlest sister to her piano lesson.

Tomorrow I’ll be in Michigan.
Lounging on the couch with my cousins.
Eating delicious food.
Playing Scrabble, and football and going Black Friday shopping.

Later, I’ll be back here to tell you all about it.
The fun I had.
The events I participated in and the laughs I shared.
The things I’m thankful for.

Today, tomorrow, later.

Be back in a bit.

Be thankful.

~Natalia

Do I Tell You?

19 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment

by nataliaria in Blogging, Chicago, Christmas, College, Food, Friends, Sleep, Thanksgiving

Part of the reason to write a blog is to share one’s life. When I write here, I’m sharing my life with you. I’m telling you what I think, how I feel, what happens in my life. I’m telling you about me. But I can’t tell you everything. Nor do I want to. Writing a blog is not an excuse to spread every tiny detail about my life across the internet. Rather, it’s a challenge to pick and chose which thoughts, which happenings, which emotions are to be shared.

Every time I sit down to write a new post, I must discern what begs to be shared, what should be shared, and what no amount of words could ever communicate. Yes, I share much with you. But for every post that appears here on Leadmewhere, there is another thought, another event, another memory that I don’t share. There isn’t time. There isn’t space. And I must decide what to put into words, and what to keep inside me.

But sometimes, it’s a hard decision. What do I tell you? What do I keep in my heart, or scribble in colored pen in the notebook that contains the conversations between me and God?

Do I tell you about floor retreat last night? Twelve girls from my floor spent the night in Lake Geneva. Mary’s grandma welcomed us into her home with hugs and food. We jumped around the pool. Sat in the steaming hot tub. Ate delicious pasta and sauce, a plethora of snacks, rich desserts, and then woke up to a pancake breakfast. We sat in the basement and played Hot Seat. I fell asleep on the floor of the family room, surrounded by girls who I room with, talk with, do life with. Even as I dozed, I could hear them laughed and talking; a running, giggling commentary on life itself.

Do I tell you about going to the Michigan Avenue Christmas Light Parade today after dinner? Two girls and five guys headed out after dinner to brave the hordes of people and see what this parade was all about. We scurried down Chicago Ave, the crowd growing denser with every passing block. On Michigan Ave, we snaked through stand-still crowds, inching between shoulders, clinging to the coat of the person in front of us, one single-file line of bundled Moody students. One our way, we managed to pick up three middle-aged women who joined our little train, pressing through the crowd along with us, calling out our names when we became momentarily separated. We ended up along the Chicago River, in prime position for the firework show at the end of the parade.

Do I tell you about Thanksgiving, approaching more rapidly than I can fathom? I’m excited for the drive up to Michigan. For laughs and inside jokes with cousins. For talks with grandparents, aunt and uncle. For Black Friday shopping with the cousins. For Saturday football. For food. For Christmas at Thanksgiving. For family.

There’s more, too. More in my heart and more in my mind. But I’ve been going, going. Walking, running, sitting, talking, being, interacting for a rather long time and I’m tired. I’ve seen and done quite a bit in recent days and hours, and I’m looking forward to quite a bit more in the upcoming weeks.

But now is not time to share anymore. Now is time to sit, to be still, to process, and to sleep.

~Natalia

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