Wherein Natalia is Conflicted

It’s Friday night and I’m waffling rather dozily between wanting to write something witty and funny, and being so dead exhausted from the past week that I can barely do more than giggle sleepily along to Parks and Rec on Netflix.

So, in the wake of my current inability to reliably form coherent sentences, I have provided for you a brief list of past posts from LeadmeWhere, which I sincerely hope you find at least mildly entertaining.

The time God spoke to Larissa.

The fateful day that I almost disappeared into the Mexican sunset in an old brown van, never to be seen again.

One of those Bullet Point Posts that I insist upon producing.

When I visited the motherland with Mary.

I’m off to sleep.

Or watch Parks and Rec.

~Natalia

The Sala

The sun had long since disappeared, and with the dark had come the cold. The Casa Hogar is a long, outdoor hallway, with three bedrooms, a sala, a kitchen and a bathroom lining the neat stretch of white tile. Open-air hallway because it’s Mexico. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get chilly.

Earlier in the evening, my family had been at the Casa Hogar with me. We had enjoyed cookies and frosting with the kids, and then spent some time coloring, talking, and hanging out.

But it was night now, and my mother, father, sisters, and brother had scrambled into the little silver car and driven back to Manuel and Tere’s house. Back to dinner. Back to bath. Back to bed.

I had chosen to stay for a bit.

I hurried up the dark hall, stepping carefully and quickly across the tiled floor; months spent at the Casa Hogar have taught me that worn-out TOMS and slick tile do not a great match make. I slipped into the now-dark kitchen and felt a tinge of fear at being alone in the pitch-black room. I felt along the wall, the faint light of the moon shining through the window, and flicked the light on. The room instantly illuminated in flat yellow light, I grabbed a new roll of toilet paper, flipped the light back off, and scurried back down the hall to the two-stall bathroom.

Minutes later, and the toilet paper back where it belongs, I pushed my hands deeper into my jacket pockets and ran yet further down the hallway. Past Room 1, where 12 of the older girls sleep. Past Room 2, where I once spent a Sunday afternoon, and stopped in front of the Sala.

I tapped on the door, both a warning to those who I knew were standing on the other side of the brown door, as well as a request; I’m coming in. May I come in? I clicked the door open and gently pushed. In the dimly lit room, I could barely make out the forms of children and teens moving out of the way.

I slipped through the barely open door, whispering thanks to the young ones who had moved, patting a head, a cheek, as I squeezed into the room.

The sala, filled as it was with more than 40 people, was toasty warm, and I shivered as I stepped inside, as if shaking off the cold that lurked on the other side of the door. Couches line the sala, with an open space in the middle, and the TV in front of the room. As light from the TV flashed across the room, I stepped carefully across tan tiled floor. Around a pile of young boys wrapped comfortably in their blankets, over the sleeping form of another young child.

Pressed against the back of the room, tucked in between a blue love seat and a little wooden bench, sat a fat brown couch. Three of the women who work at the Casa Hogar, women who care for and love the children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, women who I both respect and love, sat cozily on the brown couch. Stepping around one last child, I arrived at the brown couch and settled into my spot between the women. A green fleece blanket lay across the three other couch occupants, and I pulled the thick fabric back up around me and nestled deeper into the cozy warmth of the couch.

The Christmas tree flashed colored lights in the corner, children and adolescents across the room breathed, slept, and watched the movie. Whispered comments could occasionally be heard across the room, as we laughed and sighed, smiled and cried along with the movie. It was warm and comfortable there in the sala, surrounded by loved ones both young and old, and it was a wonderful Christmas night.

~Natalia

Don’t Get Too Comfortable

Upon my return from work this evening, I stepped off the elevator three floors early and poked my head into Anna’s room. She looked up from where she sat on the floor, surrounded by a handful of her floormates. She wasn’t expecting me, but she grinned and motioned for me to come in. I stepped under the Christmas light wreath that dangled gracefully over the door, and let my purse slip off my arm and slide to the floor.

The girls had been watching an episode of Castle; gathered huddled around Anna’s laptop, swathed in blankets and leaning on fluffy pillows propped against the dresser. They had paused the show for a brief conversation that covered everything from the boys on their brother floor, to working out, to shampoo. The rhythm of girl-chatter was often broken by bursts of laughter, and it wasn’t long before Anna’s RA poked her head into the room, herself chuckling at the laughter that she could hear from her room halfway down the hall.

The conversation settled down quickly when Castle came back on, and I found myself leaning forward in rapt attention five minutes in, regardless of the fact that I had missed the first half of this TV show that I had never seen before anyway. We balanced on the edge of our proverbial seats until the end of the episode, when the swing of conversation once again picked up as the credits rolled.

I checked the time on my phone, and decided it was about time to finish my trek up to my own floor. I slipped my shoes back on, grabbed my purse, and bid farewell to the gathered girls. They wished me goodnight and told me I was welcome back any time. I smiled to myself as I passed the RA’s room and realized that she could indeed hear much of the laughter and chatter emanating from Anna’s room.

I skipped up the stairs two at a time and skidded to a stop in front of the door with a black “6″ painted on it. I heaved the metal emergency exit door open and slipped through it into the bright hallway that is my home for now. I smelled the distinct smell that I now associate with my floor, and slowly padded down the hallway to the lounge.

I retrieved my dinner from the fridge in the kitchen, and sunk onto one of the worn, red couches in the lounge to eat my late dinner. Tiana sat across from me in her customary purple chair, her legs tucked up under her in her customary studying posture. Bible, notebook, and textbooks lay on the couch around her.

“Where you been?” She asked, looking up from her notes.
“Work, and then just hung out on 3 for a bit.” I told her in between bites of my tuna sandwich.
“3, huh?” Tiana asked, then “Don’t get too comfortable down there.” She added.

I put my sandwich down on my plate and looked at her across the coffee table.

“Thanks, Tiana. I appreciate that.”

And I really did. Because it’s nice to have a home here at Moody, but it’s especially nice to have people who want you to stick around your home, too.

~Natalia

Life Right Now {#5}


Tonight was a spur-of-the-moment dinner at this girl’s house; sitting around the table with a collection of family and friends, eating chicken quesodillas and watching the Bachelorette season premier, laughing and chatting all the while.

~Natalia

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