That Will Be Good

It’s a long story, of course, because all things are, but here’s the short of it: I don’t have a roommate. Two beds, two dressers, two sides of a double dorm room, and there’s one me in this square room.

Nelle says, you’ve grown so much. And I know I have. This time last year you’d be asking to sleep in other rooms if your roommate was gone for a night. Not anymore… she says. I felt silly, sitting there in the dining room as she said it, but it’s true; sleeping alone, in a room all my own, is both foreign and uncomfortable to me.

The Jen, who remains in Texas and yet who I begged to move back when it was discovered that I would have no roommate, commented on the irony of my situation. Me of all people, me who for so long lived in fear of alone, terror of nights by myself, me living in a room alone, all semester long.

God is ironic like that. But He’s also wise.

We had a conversation, God and I, just a few nights ago. In a duel effort to avoid excessive amounts of time in my solitary room while at the same time revitalizing study habits that went sadly slack last semester, I packed my bookbag and ventured to the coffee shop here on campus. But I don’t do coffee and maybe I’m not cool enough to study inside that windowed second-floor cafe; I walked around the perimeter, then settled in a chair in the hallway outside the cafe. As close as I could be without actually braving it, stepping inside.

I’ll work myself up to that.

I was supposed to be working on a bibliography, and I did, some. But I opened another Word document, began typing away, and found my heart engaged, conversing, with One much bigger and wiser, more all-knowing than myself.

Living alone is weird, I began.

Why is it weird?

It’s making me lonely, for one.

Why are you lonely?

Well, I feel like everyone is with someone and everyone has someone to converse with, except me. I guess I just don’t want people to look at me and assume that I am alone, or that I’m some kind of outsider.

So, it’s a pride thing?

Maybe it is.

So this is a growing time, huh?

I’d like to think that all times are growing times, really.

That’s a Sunday School answer and you know it. Are you telling me that you grew last semester?

Well… No. You’re right. I didn’t, really. Is that why you’ve planned things this way, then? So that I can grow?

Well, this is all for my glory, you know that- but your growth does bring me glory.

Alright.

Are you still lonely?

Well, yes, I am.

But do you trust me?

That’s something that I did learn last semester- that you are true to your promises; you never break your word.

So you trust me?

Yes, I do.

That is all then, child.

Is it, though? I take you at your word, which I truly do, and then I leave it there? I just trust you? What about being lonely and thinking about my future and where I’ll student teach and if I’ll pass this research writing class?

You make things harder than they really are. You complicate things.

Yes, I’m sure I do.

And the most basic, the most straightforward, that to which I have called you, is to trust me. Do you know why that is?

Yes, I do now. It’s because you take the burden. Trusting you is the answer because in doing so, I don’t have to worry about anything anymore. You’ve taken the burden from me. All I do is trust you.

And that will be good.

~Natalia

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Grandma S.
    Jan 25, 2014 @ 10:13:44

    It’s a good thing to feel content when alone. You need to think of yourself as good company. Will you work on that? I’m never lonely when alone, but am when I’m in a group of people I can’t relate to.

    Reply

  2. Nina
    Jan 25, 2014 @ 11:13:50

    I know lonely.
    And really, it is about learning to trust. Without the “I trust You, but…” It took me a while to do, and learning it once doesn’t mean it’s learned forever. So thanks for the reminder. ;)

    Reply

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