Right Now I’m Tired

It’s Friday night,

and also Valentine’s Day,

and it was Day One, too, this morning, afternoon.

And Tuesday evening, Wednesday again, the clock ticks to midnight,

I sat in the upstairs window, outside the coffee shop,

and all those yellow chairs, the ones with no arm rests,

they filled and moved and emptied

with all the other people, doing homework, sharing stories,

living, loving, Moody life.

Midnight may not be so very late, but the hours are studying hours,

and last night, 10pm back to school after dinner at home,

sitting around the dining table over Pita Inn falafels,

I came back to school, pulled textbook off the shelf,

laid cold, tired, on blue flower bedspread,

found heavy eyes, even breathing, as I worked to read,

worked to stay awake.

I want to write; you know that, of course.

I want to write and share and tell and relate.

These days are so much more than the blur of class, friendship,

homework, that seems to define them.

I’m still thinking, still learning,

and most certainly still trusting God more and more with every

whisper of His will, every can’t-miss-it-this-is-the-plan-we-are-doing-this-now “happenstance” of life.

I’m still doing all those things.

And I want to tell you all about it.

And I will, I know. But maybe not all right now.

Because right now is dozing off at 11pm, laptop on crossed legs,

country music playing, unheeded, on Pandora, because it’s been awhile

since Brad Paisley and Lee Brice.

Right now is Valentine’s Dinner with Krista, The Neighbor;

7pm at a new place, standing in line, ordering salad, pasta,

twirling conversation like alfredo on forks.

Finishing with chocolate mousse, tiramisu with a side of friendship,

and we ride the bus back to school, winter wind chilling our legs,

ballet flats slipping just a little on the old, dark snow

that still litters the sidewalk.

Right now is so very much schoolwork, assignments, tasks to complete.

But March 7th is California spring break;

two weeks of second grade student teaching during the day,

grandparents, aunts, cousins in the evening, weekends.

And I’m falling asleep, eyes dry and heavy,

and Saturday is homework day; up early, working long,

but there’s fun and rest and conversation

and I’m so very blessed by all these friendships, each of these moments;

there’s not much to complain about

right now.

Except maybe, that I could write for you just a little more…
~Natalia

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