Red Box Day

I keep telling myself that I just need to make it to November, I say.

I’ve thought about it before, played it over and again in my mind.

The script of this month; of October.

I’ve found myself, late at night, amidst pulling the day’s clothes off my bed,

and finding toothbrush, tooth paste off my shelf,

standing before my calendar.

Reading, memorizing, reviewing

what comes next.

Each day a list of things to turn in,

projects and papers and tasks to have accomplished.

Some days- many days, this month- are marked in red.

Red marker outlining the assignment, the day.

The color of importance and dread and hard work

coloring papers, midterms, presentations;

big things.

I hardly have any more red box days after October, I said today.

And I’m holding onto that hope, tightly.

Hope that school might become just a little less crazy, come November.

The hope of a little more time to spend soaking in these last weeks of my time at Moody,

and a little less time reading in the hallway at 1am.

Hope that this working, going, moving, doing pace doesn’t do me in;

hope that I can make it through three more weeks,

just as I’ve made it through nearly countless weeks before.

And really, when it comes all the way down to it,

maybe I don’t mind so very much,

because I know that these crazy days

and late nights

and the movement and the running

that characterizes my days

will not always be the case,

and I can hold to that, and somehow, somewhere,

treasure the sovereignty that put me right here, right now.

But still, I’m really looking forward to a calendar page with no red box days…

~Natalia

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Grandma S.
    Oct 08, 2014 @ 07:43:43

    And now you know why I was so glad to be done with school!

    Reply

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