And It Was Good

There’s nothing magical about five, of course; it could just as well be six, or four, really. But it’s not. I walked through my morning with an odd heaviness on my shoulders, a vague cloud of distraction drifting across the back of my mind; there are five more weeks of school, counting this week that’s just begun, and suddenly, the end seems much more real, much more immanent.

I’ve five more weeks, plus a couple days of finals, and then I’ll be packing up this dorm room home, watching the threads of consistency that have bound the last three years together stretch, and maybe even break, as I drive away from this school.

Of course, I’ll be back. Graduating in May, walking down that Moody Church aisle, cap on my head, gown swinging, is fairly high on my summer to-do list. I don’t doubt that I’ll be back here for visits and meetings, check-ins and nostalgic revisits.

But those will just be visits, and this has been my life, what I’m accustomed to. And life moves and stories always have a next chapter and I’d never trade anything for this opportunity to be moving, to take the next step.

But I’m not missing, I’m not oblivious, to the treasure, the importance, of these last five weeks. I want to savor them. I want to allow these final days to pass over my open hands, the hours running by, flying by, as my fingers lie open, ready to catch each memory, each moment, each snapshot of what has been my normal for these past three years, before my normal becomes something else entirely.

I thought this morning, as I sat in class, shifting my shoulders under the invisible weight of a clock ticking five weeks down to zero, about how I might live, move, choose, breathe intentionally in these coming weeks.

Sitting at lunch with a sweet blessing who happens to be one of my closest friends, another friend approached, tossing his full plate haphazardly onto the table. I tell him I’m thinking about my last weeks, and choices I want to make and investments in people, the most precious kind of investment, that I still want to make.

Ah, he chuckles, nodding towards my friend, this one needs a lot of investing. And we laugh, because he understands my thoughts, and because it was a joke. But then, when silence has settled softly over our lunch spread of popcorn chicken and vegetables, she’s worth the investment, I tell him.

And she is, and so many are, and in these five weeks, I want to be wise with what I have. With the time, the words, the thoughts that I have. Even as I’ve already mentally drafted a to-do list that spans the next eight days, and includes as foremost reading a book due on Wednesday, whose cover I have yet to crack open. Even then, I want to live well, invest well, bless and be blessed, in these days before I move out.

And I wondered, sitting there in Romans this morning, what decisions I might make, what guidelines, what resolutions I might develop, that will help me do these weeks well. How might I live, balanced as I am on the fine, wavering line between what is and what comes next?

I want to do well. Yes, I want to look back at these weeks in a month, six months, two years, and see the work that I put in that I might finish classes well. I want to give an effort in every class that I will be proud of. Of course.

But more than that, I want to turn around, in a month, a year, even longer, and I want to look at my time at Moody, and I want to be able to say that I finished well. I relished, I lived, I thrived and encouraged and invested in those around me, those that I love, during my last weeks.

And so I will get up tomorrow morning, less than six hours from now, and I will hop (literally) out of this tall bed. And I will take the next step, live the next moment, with eyes open, heart soft, hands spread wide, that what God gives me won’t fly by, won’t slip by, won’t be trampled in the torrent of What Else I Need to Do.

But rather, that in each day of these coming weeks, I might say that I went, I did, I followed where He lead, and it was good.

~Natalia

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Grandma S.
    Nov 11, 2014 @ 12:10:41

    Well said.

    Reply

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